This is difficult...

I've finally managed to gather enough courage to continue watching The Good Wife. I'm watching it incredibly slowly, especially compared to how quickly I went through the first 4 seasons. I'm probably only watching one episode a day.

The first episode I watched after my month long break was "Hitting the Fan" in which Will finds out that Alicia is leaving the firm. I would say that Josh Charles' acting is amazing when walking towards Alicia's office to confront her; he was hurt, sad, and angry, and I could see all that just from the closeup of him walking. Then again, maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see because I really don't know much about good acting vs. bad acting. It was quite unbearable, the breakup. This one actually hurts, unlike the actual breakup of Will and Alicia's relationship. This one is final. The betrayal irrevocable.

If there's one thing I didn't like about the last few episodes I've watched, it's the fact that they focus too much on Lockhart/Gardner vs Florrick/Agos. I understand that it's an interesting dynamic, but there's no way two law firms in a city like Chicago keep going against each other, even if it's partially intentional. It also means that we're missing out on some awesome guest stars that we've had in earlier seasons. Those other lawyers are one of the best things about the show, in my opinion.

Right before I started writing this post, I had watched "The Decision Tree." It's one of the most talked about episodes of season 5, and it lived up to my expectation. Again, I'm quite impressed by Josh Charles, just him sitting there, charting his decision tree. A little look to the distance, holding back a few tears in his eyes; it seemed so subtle and simple, yet so impactful. The thing that I've gotten from the last handful of episodes is how hurt Will really is, while Alicia seems stronger. I know that it was Alicia who left so it makes sense for her to be less distressed, but sometimes it looks like she's not affected at all. It makes her seem cold at times. A part of me wants to see Alicia sadder or remorseful, for what she did to Will. It makes me want to write a fanfiction about it; interestingly, this episode actually feels like (a much better version of) a fanfiction I would write for Will, imagining that Alicia would have been far more rattled than she actually was in court. Just a lot of imagined emotions.

I just don't know if I can go on. I'm only 4-5 episodes away from that episode. It's just very hard to continue watching knowing that something horrible is about to happen. I'm not ready for Josh Charles to leave.